Aside

 Will you still love me if I change?

 

Will you still love me if I change? I’m trying to be the person I was before. The one I think you liked most. Back when I was always happy. But things happened. Alots changed. including me.. Ive been hoping i could go back to the way things were- when things were good and I still felt young. But I don’t feel like a good person anymore. Is this just growing up? or is it something more? Theres this feeling thats been building in me more and more recently, but its something unlike the good I felt before. Does that make it bad? I know the old me seemed like a better person. But I was naive. I dont care as much as I used to, about much of anything. But somehow I feel more powerful this way. Back when my emotions, my compassion got in the way..people got in the way of my happiness. Id bend over backwards for people, keep my mouth shut, suffer alone cuz no-one was in my shoes or cared as much as I did. What are you supposed to do when everyone you talk to, everyone that ‘loves’ you, and everyone you care about doesn’t even fucking know you cuz if they knew how you really thought and felt theyd see you’re probably not worth the trouble. Well honestly I’m not sure how much longer I can keep it up. I don’t wanna care anymore. I don’t wanna think. I just wanna live by how I feel. And If I feel good not giving as much a fuck about people and things as I used to then fuck, Sorry I’m not sorry.

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